INSECURITIES
Well, now I am 20. Among other things. It was a pretty decent birthday that I had, but that is not what I came here to post about.

Life has been interesting lately. This past week was a bit of a killer due to a few different things, one of which was a difficult situation with my dad. I have been forced to look at some things about myself that I didn't particularly want to see or face up to. One of those things was insecurity. I may come across as pretty confident, or maybe I don't, but there is this part of me always looking to be validated. I don't know why that is exactly. I can probably guess some general reason, or spout off a general spiritual thing, like the fact that we are fallen, blah, blah, blah. But I don't really know specifically why.

At any rate, I have realized that there is an arrow from the enemy that has lodged deep within my heart in regards to my self-worth. I have doubts that I am really God's little princess, or rather, that other people see me as such. And it hurts. I can't tell you how much it hurts. Feeling insecure about how I look, how I act, what people think of me. And honestly, I'm sick of it. I am sick of people's expectations of who I should be. I want to be who I am, to be the me that God created me to be.

Sometimes I get to the point where I am really beginning to believe deep down in my heart, not just in my head, that God loves me as I am, and has a wonderful plan for me, but then the Enemy attacks with his bow loaded with a new arrow headed straight for an old wound or a weak spot and I am attacked on all sides. In some ways, that is how I feel at the moment. Like I have been bombarded with arrows.

Yet Jesus reminds me that he is here, that he cares for me immensely. That he is at my side ready to pull out those arrows that have lodged deep within. It may hurt coming out, but there is so much healing to be done once the arrows are addressed and removed. There is restoration to be had in the arms of Jesus, my Savior. He reminds me that yes, indeed, I am His princess. I am beloved and cherished beond my wildest dreams. That I am loved as I am. That He is there to encourage me to become the true me, the me I don't even fully know. He is my knight in shining armor, ready to whisk me away on an adventure beyond my imagination and vision.

Lord, may I see what you see and say what you say. May I never forget that you are by my side, even when I fall, even when the arrows are flying. I love you Jesus.

Marieke