Wow. Blog Posts Galore!

I have posted more than one or two posts in a week! It's a record.

So many things are on my mind that lately, I have had to just rely on God out of necessity. My family, in particular my parents, got hit hard by an event last week. Someone I grew up with at my church killed himself on Wednesday. As for me, it hasn't quite sunk in yet. I haven't talked with the family at all since I now go to a different church. But this guy was my age, and apparently was dealing with some major depression or something. At any rate, just due to some things going on in the family, it has shaken my parents, especially after the dad got up in front of the church and shared what happened and how he was feeling without sugar-coating it or anything. Just raw emotion. I wasn't there, but my dad was telling me about it. Hard stuff. I feel for the family so much.

It scares me some, though. I pray like crazy that no one in my family ever gets to that point of despairing to the point of taking one's life. Dear God, I can't even imagine! Please protect my family, Lord!

Stretching
Anyway, I don't know exactly what God is up to, but He is totally stretching me--a lot. But I trust that He knows what my limits are and I just have to stay connected with Him. I have really been challenged in that area, but I am finally getting on track with reading my Bible more regularly again, and praying and journaling. I got a copy of The Message //remix which has helped to jumpstart my Bible reading again.

I have noticed that some of my harder days are the days where there is either some ministry going on later in the evening, or some leadership meeting type of deal. I other words, my Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays are crappy days. So today I woke up and I thought "Today, I am going to have a good day. I am not going to let the Enemy get me down." I have hope in Jesus Christ, I have the all-powerful God on my side, why should I be wimping out when the Enemy attacks? Today has been a fairly decent day, but it's really up to me whether I have a good day or not. I can let things get me down, or I can look to Jesus to not only sustain me, but give me peace and joy, even through hard things. So I made a choice. Granted, I have still gotten irritated at my dad a few times, and I am not perfect, but consciously making that choice makes such a big difference.

Pondering the dream...
I'm still pondering that dream I had. I know that the simple life, simple spirituality is what I want, is God's best, but it's a matter of figuring out what that means practically. And what it means about my physical/material life. I really just want to simplify things and focus on the important. It's definitely going to be a challenge to change in such a big way. I am going to have to some dying to self since I am so used to the traditional. It's gonna take a lot more dedication and work at the beginning at least. Cause the way things have been is ingrained in me, in some ways. But I am ready. I am sick of the status quo, to be honest, as familiar and comfortable as it is. I want to grow and be wholly devoted to the One who knows me more than any other. The One who has me in His hands and will never let me go. I want to be completely satisfied in Him, and that is going to mean cutting some strings of attachment. I might grimace, close my eyes, and turn my face away at times as I cut those strings, but I am going to do it anyway.

Wow, this is a long post. But there is just so much inside me, so much that God is doing, it's incredible.

In His grip,

The Marieke