Falling Apart

I know I will be okay, cause I've got God on my side.

But this morning, I just hit the wall, so to speak. I basically fell apart at work. My dad came in and asked me if I was okay and I just told him I was overwhelmed. He came over and hugged me and stroked my hair while I cried. It's such a simple thing, but it meant a lot. I feel like I have been supporting my dad in some ways, which has honestly been a bit taxing.

He also asked me if I wanted to take a day off. He suggested tomorrow, but I decided to take this afternoon and tomorrow morning off instead, cause I just don't think I can stand being here all day today.

Feeling so emotional is hard for me. I always feel like I have to have things together, and I realized that I have been trying to do that all on my own lately, rather than really relying on God, so I just want to go home, rest, and spend time with God. I just feel like every area of my life is in some form of shambles, and I just need to connect with God and let him sort some things out and guide me where I need to go. I think this time is a time of growing pains for me.

I was talking with Phat Eskimo the other day (yesterday?) and I mentioned that I felt that I was being taken very close to my limits by God, and he said that it depends on how close my limits are to God's. And that really got me thinking. God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but at the same time, he gives us the grace and the strength to basically handle anything that may come our way. It is only through His strength that we are able to do the things we do, or handle the things we handle. At least, I know this is true in my case. If I had to handle all these things, all these emotions on my own, I would crack.

I am really looking forward to some rest and doing nothing.

Thank you everyone who has been praying. I really appreciate that. :-)

The (Hopeful) Marieke