Too much craziness...

So...things have been a little nuts lately. The last two Thursdays were, um, *interesting* to say the least and unfortunately made me miss knit group.

Last week
Last Thursday, I got a call from my stepmother-in-law saying that she and Nathan's dad wanted to come up for a visit THAT WEEKEND! Mind you, this was their FIRST visit to see us since we got married and since we've been living together, so this was a big deal. I stayed home and cleaned like crazy Thursday and Friday nights and Saturday morning before they came up.

The good news is that we had a great visit with them, they liked the dinner I made for them Saturday night,and the apartment is the cleanest it's ever been! We went to the Earth Day Festival on Sunday and after they left I spent five hours hanging out with Suzanne and Oliver. It was great!

This week
First, I had a long week, a not-so-great day at work (my co-worker has been out most of the last two weeks - ugh), and I think PMS is starting to hit me. THEN, I go home and there's a letter from San Francisco State waiting for me! I think "Yay! It's my official acceptance letter". I open it and it says in bold: NOTICE OF DENIAL

So NOT cool! I think *I* was in denial that it was actually true because of the reason stated (an issue I'd already talked to a higher-up about). Anyway, that was the last straw. In the car on the way home, Nathan had noticed that I was much edgier than normal and seemed like I was really overwhelmed, so he suggested canceling all potential plans and just going out to dinner and then go home and watch a movie or something. After I opened that letter, I was glad we chose to do that.

(Note: I called the person I've been talking to - the "higher-up" - and he said the letter was sent in error and that the person who sent it didn't pay attention to the flags or notes in my file - HELLO PERSON!! Wake up! Sheesh....)

THEN, as we're leaving the restaurant, I get a call from my mom who informs me that a good friend of mine was missing for about three days and it turns out she had a mental breakdown in a restaurant, the cops were called, and she's at the County Psychiatric Department! No one had been in to see her except her brother, but she was asleep so he didn't even see her face (they told him not to wake her up). So, I called someone who had more info on what exactly was going on and got the details on how to go visit her. Apparently the particular type of mental illness she's dealing with that caused the episode runs in her family on her mom's side (nearly all the women on that side have it), and it onsets at her age.

I called the Department this morning and I'm going to try to see her tonight during visiting hours and possibly tomorrow as well.

*whew*

To end on a happier note, Nathan and I have been married for 8 months as of yesterday! Yippee!

Bad Day --> Good Day

(Warning: This is another "stream of consciousness" kind of post.)

Yesterday was not such a good day (if you couldn't tell by my somewhat depressing post), but today has been MUCH better! Last night I pretty much took it easy (I skipped out on choir! *Gasp*), even though I ended up staying up late to finish studying for my test today. But mostly I just chilled and "watched TV" (in our home, that means either watching TV shows off the network website or iTunes, or a Netflix DVD). Oh yeah, and I had fun texting Tracy back and forth for a little while...oddly it helped me focus on my homework (and made me feel better).

At work I've been kicking butt (nailed one account I've been trying to get, and nearly have another one for an airplane - first one of those! - that my dad's been pressuring me about. Hopefully tomorrow.) and I've got like 5 other clients that I need to quote new policies for. I might delegate a couple of those, though. If I can get all of them booked this month, I'll exceed my goal for March!

This coming Sunday Nathan's working, so I'm going to just take it easy, at least in the afternoon. I'm not 100% sure what I'm going to do Sunday AM. The current plan is to go to Christ Presbyterian with Chaun & Tracy, but I found out that the pastor at my parents' church (the one I grew up in) is leaving and his last Sunday is this coming Sunday. I'm not *super* close to him, but enough that I might feel kinda bad not going to my parent's church this week. *sigh*

But anyway, I'm gonna try to take the afternoon to just relax at home and do what I feel like doing...or not do anything at all. I might work on the crochet blanket I haven't worked on in forever. For some reason I thought about it today and thought it might be nice to do some crocheting since I haven't done any for quite some time now.

Screwed, but for the grace of God

(in more ways than one!)

I am really freaked out. The more I'm studying, the more I'm realizing how much I DON'T remember of musicianship and theory. It's overwhelming.

I really hope I can at least test out of the first semester. And if I can't that it won't affect the Music Dept Director's decision.

Please, please, PLEASE pray for me over the next few days that I don't give myself an anxiety attack, and pray especially from 9-11ish Thursday morning (when I'm taking the placement tests).

AAAAAHHHHH!

I gotta remember that God's got all this in His hands!

Oh. My. Goodness.

About the Audition

Hopefully, one week from now I will know whether I will be able to attend SF State in the Fall! We're leaving for SF in only FOUR DAYS!!! Ack! I am both nervous and excited. I feel pretty well prepared (as prepared as I can be considering everything) and have a plan for finishing my preparations as best I can.

Preparations so far:

• Audition songs are chosen (Obstination by Fonteneilles & If music be the food of love by Purcell) and are nearly completely prepared.
• Repertoire has been put together
• "Please accept me" packet has been put together in a nice folder with a cover sheet (includes cover letter & reference letter - not requested by SF State- and repertoire, and transcripts which were requested).
• Started practicing scales on piano
  
• Bought a new top from Ross and picked out the rest of the outfit
• Got haircut
  

Preparations to be completed:

• Study like crazy for the Theory and Musicianship placement tests...this will be interesting (and a little scary)
• Practice scales on piano like crazy
• Finish memorizing audition pieces and polishing my techniques
  
• Practice "introducing" the pieces, including meaning/translation
  
• Find direct translation for Obstination (might need to go to UCSB library for this - blech)
• Get eyebrows waxed/shaped this weekend
• Pack!

I am SO FREAKING GLAD that I have Monday off. And while I wish Nathan had the day off for his sake, I am glad I have two days in a row to work on music and study at my own pace (I'll need to take breaks here and there...I can't practice music alone for more than two hours straight without getting glassy-eyed).


About Knitting

Knitting has been helping me relax and unwind when I start to feel stressed, and I love how well the sweater is coming along (not that I really got much done last night, ha!). I think it's going to be a very comfy sweater. I'm hoping that for my next sweater endeavor (besides finished the lacey Rebecca sweater), I can learn some shaping techniques. I really need it for my body type I'm thinking... Tracy recommended the second Stitch N' Bitch book for that, so I might have to convince Nathan that I need it, hehe. Or I can wait till next month to buy it (probably wouldn't need it before then anyway...)


About Knit Group

Last night after knit group, I realized that this is the first time in my life that I've actually felt like I belonged in a group of female friends. I've always been a "one close friend at a time" kinda person and never really found a group that I felt like I truly connected to. I always felt like the odd one out for whatever reason (I was homeschooled and everyone else went to public school, or I was older and everyone else was younger, or I acted older and didn't fit in with either the older people or the younger people, or I was a girl and they were boys, or I was more girly girl, or not as girly girl). Anyway, you get my point.

The part I hate is that I am getting so connected, yet my time is limited. I'm trying not to let that get in the way of developing deeper friendships with everyone, though. To rip off a cliche, I'd rather have had this connectedness and "lose" it, than never have had it at all.

I definitely know that nothing is ever going to be able to replace the SB Knitters Group, even if I do find another knit group in the Berkeley area.

THREE WEEKS!

ACK!

Three weeks from this moment I will be at the beginning of my Theory Placement test for SFSU....the beginning of what will undoubtedly be a CRAZY day.

SO much to do, SO little time.

Thursdays look like they're becoming my "safe" day of the week. Today I'm having lunch with Tracy and Chauntel may join us also, and then knit group tonight (which will be my only non-bus knitting for the week), though I'm probably going to be late.

Although now, my Thursdays are also marking the weeks prior to my audition. Darn butterflies!

Overwhelmed

Psalm 57

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy!
I look to you for protection.
I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings
until the danger passes by.
I cry out to God Most High,
to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.
He will send help from heaven to rescue me,
disgracing those who hound me.
Interlude

My God will send forth his unfailing love and faithfulness.

I am surrounded by fierce lions
who greedily devour human prey—
whose teeth pierce like spears and arrows,
and whose tongues cut like swords.

Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens!
May your glory shine over all the earth.

My enemies have set a trap for me.
I am weary from distress.
They have dug a deep pit in my path,
but they themselves have fallen into it.
Interlude

My heart is confident in you, O God;
my heart is confident.
No wonder I can sing your praises!
Wake up, my heart!
Wake up, O lyre and harp!
I will wake the dawn with my song.
I will thank you, Lord, among all the people.
I will sing your praises among the nations.
For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens.
Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.

Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens.
May your glory shine over all the earth.

Wow, this decision to go to school full-time in the Fall (well, for both of us to go) has proven to be quite challenging. A lot of hurdles have popped up and it's gotten a tad overwhelming due to the urgent nature of it all, at least for the next few weeks. This Psalm has spoken to me so many times over the course of my life that it's become my favorite, especially with the references to music (for obvious reasons!). I was feeling particularly overwhelmed when I went home for lunch and I felt drawn to read this out loud. I couldn't help but cry as I read it.

The desire of my heart is to use music to bring glory to God. If someone realizes the depth of God's love for them more deeply because of my music, that is all I can hope for. I know that God has gifted me in this area for a purpose and it has been so frustrating to feel like the dreams that God's put on my heart get pushed further away from my reach.

Before, when challenges on the educational front came up, I fought it as much as I could, but eventually have to give up, at least temporarily. But now I'm in a position in life where I have more freedom than I've had before to pursue my educational dreams, and to have hurdles come up again is so frustrating. I am both weary of the fight and even more determined to fight for what I believe God is leading me to. Granted, I know that God could again have other plans for me and for Nathan, but I'm gonna keep fighting in the direction God's given us unless it becomes obvious that God has other plans.

If you think of it, please pray for us. Nathan's school shouldn't be an issue, but I will have to get an exception from the Director of the Music Dept in order to be able to transfer to the school I hope to eventually get my degree from (San Francisco State University). God's already given me someone "on my side" in Dr. Josh Habermann (Choir Director and Advisor for voice students - who is friends with my choir director here at SBCC, Nathan Kreitzer) who has taken up my cause on the recommendation of Prof Kreitzer. I also have very good grades on my side (Thank you Jesus!)

However, I have to give a strong audition (vocal performance), as well as take placement tests for musicianship and theory, and piano. Normally, placement tests would be just that. But since I'm trying to get an exception, my test scores will have some bearing in the decision.

I have been out of practice in all these areas for a year and I only have THREE WEEKS to prepare! I'm also hoping to get a scholarship, which will also be determined by my audition. Be praying for me on February 22nd in particular (the day of the tests and audition). I'm gonna need it!

Thankfully, the faculty at SBCC are incredibly helpful and I should be able to get all the help I need through them. There are just so many details, especially with applying for financial aid. And I'm trying to get used to being in school while working fulltime on top of making sure I have time for my husband.

It'll be a miracle in and of itself if I don't have a mental breakdown in the next few weeks.