and the floodgates opened...

I had the talk with my uncle last night. It went about as I expected. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world, emotionally. To hear all the stuff directly affected me a lot. At the end of the conversation, I nearly lost it and started crying a little, but managed to squeeze out a "thanks, goodbye" before hanging up. Then I burst into tears.

He wasn't really obviously mean, but he made comments that were patronizing and a bit demeaning, considering he doesn't really know me that well and has never made an effort to know me. Like saying I am an adult and have been for two years, essentially implying that I need to grow up. Sometimes I don't feel like it myself, but people who make an effort to get to know me tell me that I am very mature for my age. He was telling me I need to start taking responsibility for myself and so on and so forth. And I'm thinking, "ok, I have been helping take care of your mother, my grandmother, since I was 17 years old, I have been working a fulltime job for the past two years". What more does he want? It very clearly showed he doesn't know me at all, and that he doesn't recognize the fact I have been living with my grandmother to help her out.

Honestly, most people my age wouldn't be willing or able to handle some of the stuff I've had to deal with (and it's by God's grace that I have been able to!). It was really hurtful to hear all that crap. It was pretty much just hot air, no substance. And he didn't really answer my questions very directly. I wanted to know why, but he wouldn't give me specifics, just saying I needed to respect the fact that my grandmother requested that I move out (a decision I doubt she came to without some "help").

Argh. It is getting really hard to be forgiving, but I know I have to. God please give me the grace to handle this!