Only 2 more days!

Coming down the home stretch! Yippee!

Let me just say, I think it's only by the grace of God that I have not gone to Nathan's blog to see how he is doing. I suppose that's another trust thing - letting God take care of Nathan, since I can't right now, and trust that he's doing fine. I have heard from some of our mutual friends that he's doing fine.

Last night, I had a really wierd dream about Nathan (my dreams are always pretty wierd). I dreamt I was at my family's house getting ready to eat dinner. I was busy washing dishes when he stops by unexpectedly. Now, this happened in present time, so we were still not supposed to have any contact. My parents invite him to eat with us, and everything gets put on the table. I was feeling kinda wierd about it all, and so I'm still doing dishes, wondering why he stopped by without calling since he didn't know I was there (not like him at all). I can't remember exactly what he was doing, but he was acting sorta wierd.

Dinner is ready, and my family is all talking and Nathan is still acting sorta wierd, and I start getting upset (again, I can't recall exactly why since I don't remember what he was doing), but I was also acting a little out of character as well. I was getting quite upset, so I was taking out my anger on the dirty pans I was scrubbing. I end up yelling at Nathan, and tell him to stop acting so wierd and so on. And it was really not necessary on my part. The whole thing could have been resolved in a brief conversation alone.

It's frustrating that I can't remember some of the details, but I feel like the dream was sort of a cautionary tale. It's easy for me to get bossy and think other people should act the way I want them to. But with Nathan, I have learned to step back and shut up more often. As he is growing in spiritual leadership (and other areas of leadership in our relationship), I need to step back and let him grow and lead, and sometimes make mistakes (even if I see them coming!). I have to surrender my desire to control, so that God can work in both of us. I need to surrender everything to God, and let him lead Nathan. For a time, I had to take leadership in certain areas, but that time is over.

I had asked for a dream from God before I went to sleep. It was an odd one, that's for sure, but I think that the point hit home. I don't ever want to be that way with Nathan. We are both human, and our flaws will become evident very clearly at times, but we have to keep ourselves close to God so that He has control over our lives and relationship.

I have learned more about spiritual leadership and exactly what that means through our relationship than anything else.